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Join As Uub; My application as Uub
Topic Started: Dec 30 2007, 10:15 PM (279 Views)
OldA17
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Member
Character you wish to be:Uub

Planet you want to start on: Earth

How did you find this site:Google.com;love of DB

What makes you want to join and how long do you plan on staying:I like to role-play i have done plenty of them but they seem to always die after a year.

AIM Screen Name (required):uubrulezall

Email (required):kyleman92@gmail.com

Name registered on forums (required): Sephiroth

My Role-Play: :D


Unable to get up from his later training that day, He laid in bed waiting for nothing at all. He just wanted to lay there till he could train to his full abilities. Realizing that he was able to get up he then thought that he must get up sometime;he got out of bed and sighed. Uub walked from his covers and walked towards the dark brown dresser in the far corner of the room. He opened up the bottom dresser and pulled out a pair of his regular clothes that he wears all the time.

Uub searched high and low for his shoes and socks, but had no luck. He put on his shirt and slowly treaded down the serpentine staircase. He opened up the small refrigerator and grabbed an apple, banana, and orange juice. Uub ate both the apple and banana and then had gulped down the juice. Feeling refreshed he got himself up and stretched a little,then stepped towards the door. He barely get to the door before he saw his dark blue shoes, relieved that he could once again properly train again Uub slipped on the shoes and walked outside to once again begin this quest of achieving greater power.

*Later that day*

Uub walked in the door exhausted and slipped off his shoes next to the door.He was so tired and out of breath. Walking to the fridge Uub felt his entire body groan against the the whole idea of moving again. After having the milk he walked upstairs and lazily went to the bathroom. Uub slid into his comfy bed and thought of how much strength and speed he'd actually accomplished over these past 2 months out in the freezing mountains. Having been so tired Uub finally had no more strength to think anymore. The second he closed his eyes Uub's body turned off and rested for tomorrow.
Posted Image
Self-Made Sig <select><option>Stats</option><option>Power Level: 1050</option><option>KI: 525</option><option>Strength: 120</option><option>Speed: 191</option><option>Toughness: 110</option><option>Stamina: 180</option><option>Vitality: 115</option>
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NOOB
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Banned
AIM is pretty important so you should get a screenname and at the very least use AIMExpress.

Also you should use third-person perpsective instead of first-person perspective. You're already using past tense so you are halfway there to third-person.

Another tip is to not tell directly that you do something, slip it into your wrtting.

For example
Quote:
 
I opened up the bottom dresser and pulled out a pair of my regular clothes(he wears the same type of clothes everyday).


Would be much better off as this
Quote:
 
A boy of one style, Uub wore the same set of clothes each day. From the lowest drawer of his brown dresser clothes for the day was removed.


The real problem with your way is that it mixes past and present tense, first person and third person, as well as it is really bland and feels like monotone. Monotone = boring and death. X_X

Also don't go into much detail about little things, such as your clothes, I doubt anybody is really interested in what Uub is wearing. >_>
Posted Image

<select><option>Goku Junior</option>
<option>Level ~ 1</option>
<option>EXP ~ 90</option>
<option>PL ~ 836</option>
<option>KI ~ 418</option>
<option>STR ~ 157</option>
<option>SPD ~ 194</option>
<option>TOU ~ 87</option>
<option>STA ~ 87</option>
<option>VIT ~ 87</option>
<select><option>Fundamentals</option>
<option>Bukujutsu</option>
<select><option>Planet</option>
<option>Earth</option>
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OldA17
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Ok cool I'll make some changes. Thx for the advice!
Posted Image
Self-Made Sig <select><option>Stats</option><option>Power Level: 1050</option><option>KI: 525</option><option>Strength: 120</option><option>Speed: 191</option><option>Toughness: 110</option><option>Stamina: 180</option><option>Vitality: 115</option>
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OldA17
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is that better?
Posted Image
Self-Made Sig <select><option>Stats</option><option>Power Level: 1050</option><option>KI: 525</option><option>Strength: 120</option><option>Speed: 191</option><option>Toughness: 110</option><option>Stamina: 180</option><option>Vitality: 115</option>
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NOOB
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Banned
It's a start, just wait for Zarbon to come in and tell you to messege him on AIM

oh and when MT comes in and tells you to suck his toes or something just rememeber...
Posted Image
Posted Image

<select><option>Goku Junior</option>
<option>Level ~ 1</option>
<option>EXP ~ 90</option>
<option>PL ~ 836</option>
<option>KI ~ 418</option>
<option>STR ~ 157</option>
<option>SPD ~ 194</option>
<option>TOU ~ 87</option>
<option>STA ~ 87</option>
<option>VIT ~ 87</option>
<select><option>Fundamentals</option>
<option>Bukujutsu</option>
<select><option>Planet</option>
<option>Earth</option>
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disgraced hbk
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The Living Hell
funniest 5 sec clip pn the net
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Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
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Alex
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Message me on AIM when you get a chance.
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Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley)
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OldA17
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i can do it now
Posted Image
Self-Made Sig <select><option>Stats</option><option>Power Level: 1050</option><option>KI: 525</option><option>Strength: 120</option><option>Speed: 191</option><option>Toughness: 110</option><option>Stamina: 180</option><option>Vitality: 115</option>
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