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Jokes Thread; Post all that are FUNNY
Topic Started: Sep 12 2008, 11:34 PM (86 Views)
Old Goku
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ADBZRPG Guru
I got mine from jibjab, I didn't think of them myself. Though if I dedicated some time, who knows? Note: the ones in bold are the funniest . . . to me :D.

Quote:
 
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
 
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that? " No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?"
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Intergalactic Legends
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<SELECT style="background-color: #920909; color: #000000; font-family: Matura MT Script Capitals; font-size: 14px; width: 200px; "><br /><OPTION>Goku</OPTION><br /><OPTION>MR: Keliouxan High Marshal</OPTION><br /><OPTION>Location: Space</OPTION><br /><OPTION>Power Level: 67,056</OPTION><br /></SELECT></div>
- Sig by FG.
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ronnoc
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Quote:
 
"When someone says "Hey guess what?" and continues anyway. Give me time to guess jerk!


something me and my bro came up with!

Gotta Love Family Guy!


Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.

Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

(just a few favorites. Always makes me laugh)

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ronnoc
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FAMILY GUY ALL TIME FAVORITE
Hi. I'm Wilford Brimley and I have Diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and I took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife's been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?!
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