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Please Help; I require aid
Topic Started: May 20 2010, 12:07 AM (253 Views)
Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
Could some read my work and give pointers and input on it?
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Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

Passives Adventurer LV2 and Pupil LV2
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Codyislost1
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The Rooster
Banned
Start using more description for your surroundings and your person. Don't over do it, though. People tend to start talking about like birds singing and shit.

*cough* Saint Dane *cough*

Also, use capitalization more where it's needed. You have abunch of sentences that start with no capital letters. You need to really use spell check on Microsoft Word or that one website.
I Created the Sound of Madness...

Posted Image

A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
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Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
I feel my work OK yet at the same time lacking yet I feel the negativity stems (mostly) from my inexperience in this site style, I am trying to rectify that on my own, but I feel it is a slow boil like trying to turn a 40 gallon pool into a 40 gallon lobster boil with a meek cigarette lighter.
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Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

Passives Adventurer LV2 and Pupil LV2
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Codyislost1
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The Rooster
Banned
Vlad...

I have not a single damn clue what the hell you just said to me...but...I like it...
I Created the Sound of Madness...

Posted Image

A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
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Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
My work or the comment of the lobster boil?
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Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

Passives Adventurer LV2 and Pupil LV2
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Codyislost1
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The Rooster
Banned
Quote:
 
I feel my work OK yet at the same time lacking yet I feel the negativity stems (mostly) from my inexperience in this site style, I am trying to rectify that on my own, but I feel it is a slow boil like trying to turn a 40 gallon pool into a 40 gallon lobster boil with a meek cigarette lighter.


That stuff.

Look, basically, you have small things to fix. The only problem is that it's abunch of the small stuff repeated. Like I said, just run your stuff through a spell check. It'll make a world's of difference. Then we'll go form there.
I Created the Sound of Madness...

Posted Image

A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
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Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
I am a slow typist so what I said was just to my work in general.

I meant I need more input to build skill.
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Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

Passives Adventurer LV2 and Pupil LV2
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OldTarble
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A Transformation Is Underway
Banned
Piccolo... your just crazy as it is so you would like the boiling lobster anology.


And Vlad, your style is... different. Your vocabulary seems to be top notch, however the style in which you use it could use some work. It just seems to me as if you are trying too hard. Try starting a bit more simple. Use a small amount of description and try to get the main story rolling. Build your character's personality a bit. Remember other people will read your writing so it's best to put it in a way every can understand. Even if the writing does seem to be simple at first, you can always improve on it as you progress.
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The Official Approve My Quest Thread[/align]
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Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
Piccolo

Your comment of description enhancements is quite vague.

http://mechanicalwanderer.deviantart.com/

This page has many of my work, see the deviations, I feel if I can improve my writing my rp skills will also elevate so if possible comment of what you read on the link.
[align=center]Posted Image
Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

Passives Adventurer LV2 and Pupil LV2
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Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
Thanks, I do feel I try too hard as it is some thing I take pride in writing in general, I feel it is my art and I should give it my all in an efficient manner.

Thanks for your input on the matter Tarble
[align=center]Posted Image
Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

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Codyislost1
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The Rooster
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Just do what I do everytime I write...

Put on Kelly Clarkson- Since You Been Gone and keep it on repeat. Then type away...
I Created the Sound of Madness...

Posted Image

A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
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Diive
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Legendary Mullet
Vlad,

I think what Piccolo is trying to say is that your writing could improve dramatically if you used a program such as Microsoft Word and allowed it to help you correct spelling and grammar errors.

It doesn't seem like much, but making sure your grammar and spelling are correct will go a long way to make your writing better.

Also, check out the Roleplay School.
http://z10.invisionfree.com/alexsdbzrpg5/i...hp?showforum=28

There are many great articles posted by the teachers in that forum that are extremely helpful. It's also the best place to ask for help with your writing.

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I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
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Vlad
ADBZRPG Guru
All I have at my command is the built in spell check in fire fox and it is a little iffy about spelling and no grammar check so for the moment I am stuck with re-editing in fire fox and hoping the grammar is passable.
[align=center]Posted Image
Sig made by Tarble[/align]

http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Vlad#fbid=j9PGJNHxmLq

http://forum.alexsdbzrpg.com/index.php?showtopic=55475&hl=

Passives Adventurer LV2 and Pupil LV2
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Diive
Member Avatar
Legendary Mullet
If you can, I recommend downloading and installing OpenOffice. It's an open source (FREE) office suite capable of creating and editing MS Office documents, and the features are almost identical.

http://openoffice.org

The built in spell/grammar checker will be much better than firefox's ... and you'll be able to save/edit your posts. Personally, if I type in browser I usually end up deleting an hours (or more) worth of work and it kills me.

And make sure you visit the Roleplay School. There are many great writers willing to help you out and a lot of excellent reading.
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I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
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Codyislost1
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The Rooster
Banned
And they pass out cookies before each class.
I Created the Sound of Madness...

Posted Image

A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.
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OldTarble
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A Transformation Is Underway
Banned
And remember, go green, save a namekian!


Anyway, I say just invest in Microsoft Word. If you have a PC with Microsoft Anything, you should at least have a trial version on it and with that you just can't save, but all you need is the spell check. =]
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The Official Approve My Quest Thread[/align]
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