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Jokes And Stuff
Topic Started: Jul 10 2010, 01:21 AM (1,250 Views)
Gin Tsurugi
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I dare any of you to say these three words out loud and keep a straight face afterward. Be sure to say them loudly and proudly now!


My

Dixie

Wrecked
“If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you." - Bruce Lee

“Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.” - Bruce Lee
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Dabura
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NEFARIOUS
Monitors
I had to say it three times to get it. :P
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Siggy By OldTarble | Profile

"It is pride that turns angels into demons."

DaddySenpai - Tomorrow at 12:40 AM
if i use deca
ill always have a friend
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Diive
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Legendary Mullet
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I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
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Diive
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Sorry for the double post ... but...

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I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
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Old Gohan
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DA BU RA!
Diive,Jul 10 2010
07:05 AM
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A wry smile came to my face when I saw this.
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OldTarble
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A Transformation Is Underway
Banned
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Diive
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My other favorite geeky joke-


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If you get this joke, then your geek level just went up three points.
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I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
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OldTarble
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OldPapa
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Diive,Jul 10 2010
01:24 AM
My other favorite geeky joke-


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If you get this joke, then your geek level just went up three points.

Haha. That one is pretty damn clever. Very sneaky.
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Seta
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The Right Turn in History
There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.

The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,....."Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"

Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, ..... "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"

The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says,...... "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals"

The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, ...... "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck"

So the Air Force guy pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

He says to the Army guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship"

The Army guy replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, "Your turn!"

The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."

-----------------

Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?

A: To justify their handicap parking.

-------------------------

Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opposums"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

---------------------------------------

Q: Why doesn't Army have ice on the sidelines during games?

A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

------------------------------------------

Q. What do you get when you drive slowly by the Military Academy campus?

A. A degree.

-----------------------------------------------


Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a West Point Cadet?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

----------------------------------


Yeah... I'm an air force brat with a lot of jokes about the other branches. :lol:
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OldTarble
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Old Gohan
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DA BU RA!
What's the difference between a British and an Iraqi soldier?

Don't know?

Welcome to the United States air force, son!
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Seta
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The Right Turn in History
Wow, really? *eyeroll*
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Komandr
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Nappa,Jul 10 2010
10:59 AM
What's the difference between a British and an Iraqi soldier?

Don't know?

Welcome to the United States air force, son!

I GET IT I GET IT!

Wait... no i don't.
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Seta
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The Right Turn in History
I think it might be a shift from the:

Don't know the difference between a German and a British soldier?

Welcome to the United States Army Air Corp!

thereby making it seem like the Americans LOVED to team kill.
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Adair
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I have a joke, but it might offend.

In which case if it does, I don't care. Grow a pair.

Quote:
 


joke
   /dʒoʊk/ Show Spelled [johk] Show IPA noun, verb, joked, jok·ing.
–noun
1.
something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act: He tells very funny jokes. She played a joke on him.



Q: What do you call five black men standing in the middle of a field?
A: Antique farm equipment.

And don't pull the "R" card on me. Slavery happened, get over it.
<center><SELECT style="background-color: #34282C; color: #717D7D; font-family: Monotype Corsiva; font-size: 14px; width: 200px; "><br /><OPTION>Adair</OPTION><br /><br /><OPTION>Location: Earth</OPTION><br /><OPTION>Power Level: 2,310 / 3,292</OPTION><br /></SELECT></center>

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Gin Tsurugi
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Racism or not, there is such a thing as good taste.

That joke is not good taste my friend. :(
“If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you." - Bruce Lee

“Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.” - Bruce Lee
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Adair
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How did Eddy Murphy, George Carlin and other greats, get so great? By telling clean, family friendly jokes?

I think not. It's a joke.

Now, I'll stop cluttering up this area so we can make way for some more funnies, please.
<center><SELECT style="background-color: #34282C; color: #717D7D; font-family: Monotype Corsiva; font-size: 14px; width: 200px; "><br /><OPTION>Adair</OPTION><br /><br /><OPTION>Location: Earth</OPTION><br /><OPTION>Power Level: 2,310 / 3,292</OPTION><br /></SELECT></center>

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Old Gohan
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DA BU RA!
An american army camp in Iraq has a homemade sign out side, it reads: -
"Second To None"

British troops too have a sign: -
"None"

-----------------

It made me laugh, Adair. <_<
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Adair
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Quote:
 
Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"
<center><SELECT style="background-color: #34282C; color: #717D7D; font-family: Monotype Corsiva; font-size: 14px; width: 200px; "><br /><OPTION>Adair</OPTION><br /><br /><OPTION>Location: Earth</OPTION><br /><OPTION>Power Level: 2,310 / 3,292</OPTION><br /></SELECT></center>

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Gin Tsurugi
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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
“If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you." - Bruce Lee

“Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.” - Bruce Lee
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Komandr
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The Cosmic Healer
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Kain
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Blackfire,Jul 10 2010
10:53 PM
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Priceless...He aint touching that one...and neither would I...
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Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
To become the dew that quenches the land
To spare the sands, the seas, the skies
I offer thee this silent sacrifice
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Gin Tsurugi
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For those of you who haven't seen this (though it's doubtful you haven't if you're a fan of DBZ).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi3qeROYDZc
“If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you." - Bruce Lee

“Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.” - Bruce Lee
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Seta
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The Right Turn in History
Damn... wish I could use my sexual jokes up in here...

Oh well... I'll go for sexist instead. Someone already got the racist ones covered!

If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.

If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

--------------------

When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.

When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

--------------------

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

-------------------------------

A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

--------------------------------

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

----------------------------------


What did God say when he created Adam?
I can do better than this.

---------------------------------------

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

-----------------------------------------

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

----------------------------------------


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

-------------------------------------------

A man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out. The man asked to be stronger than any other man. He was given the strength to crush bolders. He asked for the worlds fastest sports car and a ferrari apperared in front of him. He then asked to be smarter than any other every man on the earth. He was turned into a woman. She then said thank you.
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