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| Jokes And Stuff | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 10 2010, 01:21 AM (1,253 Views) | |
| thechosenone816 | Jul 11 2010, 11:37 PM Post #26 |
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Sarge of ADBZ
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^ Pan when she sees people having fun in The Pub. |
WALL OF SHAME
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| Old Gohan | Jul 11 2010, 11:39 PM Post #27 |
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DA BU RA!
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| Komandr | Jul 11 2010, 11:41 PM Post #28 |
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The Cosmic Healer
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funniest dang thing alive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0...ex=0&playnext=1 |
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| thechosenone816 | Jul 11 2010, 11:45 PM Post #29 |
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Sarge of ADBZ
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A man once found a magic lamp sitting on his beachfront property in California. He picked up the lamp and rubbed it, and sure enough a Genie came out. The genie said "Thank you for freeing me from my prison, master, for this I shall grant you one wish." The man looked out across the ocean and said "I want to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid to fly. I wish for a bridge from my home to the island of Hawaii so that I could drive across the ocean to see it." The genie shook his head and frowned. "Forgive me, but the amount of materials and engineering required for such a bridge would be enormous. To do something so difficult and complicated would be impossible, even for a magical genie like myself." The man sighed and kicked at the sand, disappointed. "Well, I guess it was a bit much to ask for. Well, my fiancee is threatening to call off our engagement and won't tell me why. You should be able to help me with that. I wish that I could understand women!" The genie scratched the top of his head for a moment, then replied; "So... did you want that bridge two lanes or four?" |
WALL OF SHAME
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| Seta | Jul 11 2010, 11:50 PM Post #30 |
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The Right Turn in History
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![]() http://static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/troll...the_dungeon.png |
[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Komandr | Jul 11 2010, 11:53 PM Post #31 |
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The Cosmic Healer
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HAHA "X user posted image" I GET IT LOLOLOL |
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| Seta | Jul 11 2010, 11:55 PM Post #32 |
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The Right Turn in History
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FINE! Have a link too! >.< |
[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Diive | Jul 11 2010, 11:55 PM Post #33 |
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Legendary Mullet
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Damn you to hell!
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| Seta | Jul 11 2010, 11:58 PM Post #34 |
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The Right Turn in History
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[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Old Gohan | Jul 12 2010, 12:00 AM Post #35 |
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DA BU RA!
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| OldTarble | Jul 12 2010, 12:50 AM Post #36 |
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A Transformation Is Underway
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"HORNY OLD MAN" There was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed. So he went to the doctor and was told he should please himself before having sex and he would last longer. One day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. On his way home, he remembers what the doctor said and decides to jerk it before he gets home. He thinks, 'Well, I can't do it in the car, but if I get under it I can pretend I'm fixing my car.' So he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts jerkin it. A few minutes later, there's a tug at his pants leg. In order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes, but just hollars, "Yeah?" "I'm Officer Brown. What are you doing down there?" "Well, officer, I'm checking my axle; I think it's come lose." "Well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's 2 blocks down the road crashed into a tree." |
[align=center]![]() AIM: DragonDeath0 Roster || Vault || Theme The Official Approve My Quest Thread[/align] | |
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| Diive | Jul 12 2010, 01:02 AM Post #37 |
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Legendary Mullet
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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's helm (steering wheel) on his penis. The patrons all have a good laugh, and the bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel on your penis." The pirate nods and replies sadly, "Yaarr, it's drivin' me nuts!" |
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| Lainwood | Jul 12 2010, 01:15 AM Post #38 |
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Fabled Member
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A man buys a new sports car and on the way home he decides to see what it can really do and pushes the peddle down. His car gets up to 90mph before he sees red and blue lights in his mirror. He pushes down the peddle farther and gets the car up to 120mph before he thinks to himself "What am I doing?" and pulls over. The cop pulls up behind him and walks up to the car leaning in the window. "It's the end of my shift, and this will be a lot of paper work. I tell you what, you give me an excuse I've never heard before and I'll let you go." The cop tells him. The man pauses and thinks for a second before replying. "Last week my wife ran away with a policeman, I was afraid you were him bringing her back." The cop smiles and says "Have a nice day sir." |
Avatar and signature courtesy of Diive.![]() Character Vault || Wiki || Theme | |
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| OldTarble | Jul 12 2010, 01:21 AM Post #39 |
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A Transformation Is Underway
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The Piss Test One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. |
[align=center]![]() AIM: DragonDeath0 Roster || Vault || Theme The Official Approve My Quest Thread[/align] | |
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| Kuro Tatsuo | Jul 12 2010, 01:47 AM Post #40 |
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The Red King
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Mother in Law A newly married farmer and his wife were visited by her mother. She demanded an inspection of the new home. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping for a relaxed and happy relationship. Unfortunately, this was to no avail: she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer''s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings about her demanding ways. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket in order to greet the guests as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. The pastor was very curious about this strange behavior, and so he later went to ask the farmer what it was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, ''What a terrible tragedy'' and I would nod my head and say ''Yes, it was.'' The men would then ask, ''Can I borrow that mule?'' and I would shake my head and say, ''Sorry, it''s all booked up for a year.''" _____________________________________________________________ How to Please a Woman Follow this advice if you wish to impress your girlfriend. Compliment her; respect her, honor her, cuddle her, caress her, love her, kiss her, stroke her, buy things for her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her. How to Please a Man Follow this advice if you wish to impress your boyfriends. Show up naked; Bring beer. _______________________________________________________________ ... Nearly! A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?" |
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| Diive | Jul 12 2010, 02:07 AM Post #41 |
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Legendary Mullet
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Do you know what happens if you give a mouse a cookie? http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/66406/detail/ And I think all of us guys have been here- http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/66698/detail/ The speed of justice! http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/123683/detail/ |
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| Gin Tsurugi | Jul 12 2010, 02:36 AM Post #42 |
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Member
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnGhc93_3_0 Because we all knew lightsabers meant fewer calories. xD |
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“If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you." - Bruce Lee “Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.” - Bruce Lee | |
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| dachibeh | Jul 12 2010, 05:12 AM Post #43 |
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New Member
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10 signs you might be trailer trash Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor. If a tornado hits your home and causes $10,000 dollars worth of improvement. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this." You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. |
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| OldTarble | Jul 12 2010, 11:45 AM Post #44 |
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A Transformation Is Underway
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"THE GOODNIGHT KISS" One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her ”Darling, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" Her: "No way. It's just too risky!" Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?" Her: "No, no. I just can't" Him: "I beg you ... " Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..." |
[align=center]![]() AIM: DragonDeath0 Roster || Vault || Theme The Official Approve My Quest Thread[/align] | |
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| Seta | Jul 12 2010, 04:55 PM Post #45 |
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The Right Turn in History
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Watch the sexual jokes. Sexist is fine, sexual... no. |
[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Diive | Jul 12 2010, 05:08 PM Post #46 |
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Legendary Mullet
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A blonde woman is driving along a country road when she sees a second blonde out in the middle of a wheat field, in a rowboat, rowing like hell but not going anywhere. She pulls the car over and gets out, walking to the edge of the field before yelling, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name, and if I could swim I'd kick your ass!" |
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| Seta | Jul 12 2010, 08:21 PM Post #47 |
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The Right Turn in History
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[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| NoLongerKale | Jul 12 2010, 09:11 PM Post #48 |
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Supreme Member
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Awwwh thas mean, but sadly true |
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| Fonos | Jul 12 2010, 09:14 PM Post #49 |
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ADBZRPG Guru
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It forgot to add 'Where's my sammich?' |
[align=center]![]() <SELECT style="background-color: #FF8C00; color: #2F4F4F; font-family: Kristen ITC"> <OPTION>Fonos</OPTION>< <option>Demon/Alien</option> <option>On Namek</option> <option>PL: 28,774</option> <option>Ban Count: 16</option></select> Tarble 6:51 pm: That's the only thing I want to do now. I'll please you in ANY WAY Frieza: You're the worst damn pitcher I've ever had the displeasure of sharing a cramped white-van with New Account - Tyrome[/align] | |
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| Dabura | Jul 12 2010, 09:23 PM Post #50 |
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NEFARIOUS
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That's because a girl made it. |
![]() Siggy By OldTarble | Profile "It is pride that turns angels into demons." DaddySenpai - Tomorrow at 12:40 AM if i use deca ill always have a friend | |
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12:47 PM Jul 13