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| Nappa; Joining as Nappa | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 3 2011, 04:17 PM (468 Views) | |
| illusionist110z | Feb 3 2011, 04:17 PM Post #1 |
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Lurker
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Please note that custom characters require a picture of your character and a separate 300 word history/biography in addition to your sample roleplay. Character you wish to be: Nappa Planet you want to start on: Earth Distribute 100 points between Vitality, Speed, Toughness, Stamina, and Strength: Vit:25 Spd:20 Tgh:20 Sta:15 Str:20 Distribute 3 points between Intelligence, Charisma, and Determination: Int:2 Cha:0 Det:1 Pick one green fundamental to start with (list here): Bukujustu (Saiyans Only) Fighting Style you wish to have: Balanced (Aliens Only) Stat you wish increased by +25: (Changelings Only) Name and Picture of your underling: How did you find this site: Surfing the internet What makes you want to join and how long do you plan on staying: I've been watching DBZ since I was a little kid, and I play D&D with my little brother quite often. I thought it'd be fun to play this RPG. (Recommended) AIM Screen Name: nappasaysyay! (Required) Email Address: illusionist110z@ymail.com (Required) Please include a small sample roleplay. This could be a roleplay that you have done on another site (if so you will be asked for a link to the thread during your AIM interview) or it could be a completely unique roleplay written up on the fly. Must be above 300 words. -------------------- A mysterious figure awoke lying under the canopies of a forest. He was naked other than an elastic garment a little larger than underware covering everything from the middle thigh to the waistline. He looked into a puddle and saw a muscular, bald face with a thin goatee. Suddenly he felt the urge to vomit. He relieved his urge and looked back into the pool but saw nothing but nauxious colors. He felt as if he'd been kneed in the stomach. He looked at his hammy hands. They were covered with black burn streaks and blisters. He looked at the rest of his body, which was in the same disaterous condition as his hands. "Who am I," the man muttered to himself, "and what am I doing here?" He tried to remember all he could. Suddenly he was assaulted by visions of his past. The visions illustrated that the man was talking to a shorter man while they learned of Raditz's death. Raditz, the man remembered him. They were learning of Earth's dragonballs. The next vision showed them riding in a couple of cramped spacecraft. Soon after, one depicted saibamen slaughtering an earthling. However, one of the short humans took out nearly all of them. I began fighting them, and defeated them with ease. The short man called for a break. "You have two hours for Kakarot to show up. Then, we'll kill you." "Nappa, go have some fun." The man realized that Nappa must've been him. Two hours have passed. Kakarot hasn't showed up. So far three humans and a namekian had been easily slayed. Only the short, bald one and the kid was left. Nappa began fighting again, and is almost done with them when Kakarot came and saved the remaining two and somehow healed them. It didn't really bother Nappa, because he hasn't broken a sweat so far, and the new guy was hardly stronger than the other two. Nappa goes into battle. "Vegeta, help me." "I have no use for a saiyan that can't fight." Vegeta threw me in the air. "Vegeta, NO!" Nappa suddenly became engulfed in energy. The visions end. "Vegeta, my ally, my boss shot me with intent to kill." He thought. "Kakarot showed more decency than that!" Nappa felt fury rise inside himself. "Son of a -" Nappa screamed when there would normally be a fourth word, and punched a mountain, which crumbled to pieces. He ignored the pain and repeated this on several different rock formations until the jungle he was in looked like a set of ruins. ------------------ 427 words. |
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| Kaiya Nakano | Feb 3 2011, 04:34 PM Post #2 |
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Daji based GOD
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Looked good, looked good, looked good, until the roleplay. It switches between first and third person and present and past tense constantly, which is weird and we don't do it here. Its third person, past tense. Usually, you want your paragraph to change whenever another person starts speaking, too. Thats it. The RP itself was OK once you discerned the plot. Just make those grammar edits, and you're good to go. The technical part seemed to be filled out fine. |
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| Alex | Feb 3 2011, 08:19 PM Post #3 |
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Officer of the Damaskian Army
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Edit your RP with Ginyu's suggestions then PM me and I will take another look. |
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All-time ADBZRPG battle record: 86 - 4 Winner of Best Saga Thread of 2011 (Shard of Lujati) Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley) | |
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| Kaiya Nakano | Feb 6 2011, 03:07 PM Post #4 |
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Daji based GOD
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Looks good now. Only once did you switch into first, and it all looks past tense now. Wait for Razak to approve you I guess. |
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| Alex | Feb 8 2011, 12:55 PM Post #5 |
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Officer of the Damaskian Army
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Sorry it took so long for me to get back to this. It looks fine. Please register on the wiki and PM me the URL to your account and I'll have you added! |
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All-time ADBZRPG battle record: 86 - 4 Winner of Best Saga Thread of 2011 (Shard of Lujati) Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley) | |
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