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| Hibari; Saiyan | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 25 2011, 08:26 AM (411 Views) | |
| Hibari | Feb 25 2011, 08:26 AM Post #1 |
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Lurker
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haracter you wish to be: Hibari Planet you want to start on: Arlia Distribute 100 points between Vitality, Speed, Toughness, Stamina, and Strength: Vitality:30 Speed:20 toughness 20 stamina 20 Strength 10 Distribute 3 points between Intelligence, Charisma, and Determination: intelligence 1 Determination 1 charisma 1 Pick one green fundamental to start with (list here): Bukujutsu (Saiyans Only) Fighting Style you wish to have: Balance How did you find this site:Say it with me. G-O-O-G-L-E What makes you want to join and how long do you plan on staying: I'm not a planning person.. I guess as long as i can! (Recommended) AIM Screen Name: no (Required) Email Address:zungauchiha@hotmail.com (Required) [Of another site] http://dbzsoldiersrpg2.proboards.com/index...lay&thread=2168 “No! Team random stole my powers! Give me back my powers!! NO! TEAM RANDOM!!!!!”, Future Trunks screamed. He waked up of his dream. The dream was about Team Random which stole his power. He already almost vomits when he hears the word. The memory’s where fresh and strong. It was like it was yesterday. Yesterday So Future Trunks focused kicked the man. Making him fly into the sky. “Team random fly’s of again!”, He screamed. “Not you to already.”, Trunks screamed back Today “I hate that memory. And the day before yesterday, team random hit to. “ The day before yesterday. “But”, the man couldn’t finish his sentence. And he got a falcon punch in the face. “Team random fly’s of again!”, he then says. Today “ I better get to training before i cry my eyes out.”, Trunks said with tears. Fast he got up and toke of his clothes. After that he douched. “The Future douche, cool and hot. I love it. “, Future Trunks sing. “The future douche, the water move’s calm, well, and strong. The electric shocks energy full, hyper, and most important. “ Slowly he toke shampoo. To make his hair more strong looking. He opened the shampoo. And put some of it on his hand. He started to put it on his hair. Rubbing fast while giving his hair a soft push. “ I wonder what ream random is doing now. And what about Korin? And his complain that I am to weak.” , Trunks asked himself. Before dashing deeper into the douche. He starts to wash his hair while still rubbing. To give a effective effect to his hair. After he is done he takes his towel. And walk out of the bath room. Looking at his clothing he used the time he was back in time. And killed Frieza which in a mysterious stupid reason came back. “I love these clothes. They make me look cooler then I am.”, He said. Before he toke them on. After that he walked out of his house. “Oh yeah, to make it better I have to climb a whole freaking tower higher then two kilometres. After that I need to train both my physical and mental. Just to make it better I always end up falling of that tower.”, Trunks said to himself while sighing,. “One said life is hard. But mine life is impossible.”. He runs fast out of the house. Looking to the high tower, that Is easily detected at the range of Trunks house. Fast he jumps into the sky. To see how close the range is. He saw it would be five hours walking for somebody normal. But Future Trunks was well trained. He would take that in just thirty minutes. Even tough it snatches his stamina. So he decided to walk fast. And sometimes walk slow. That’s what he did until he reached the tower. It was already night. So he decided to call it a night. He collected branches to make a camp fire. And then decided to fish. So he toke one short stick and putted a worm on it. First he had to find a river. Which wasn’t easy. He started to run about everywhere. And ended up being 2kilometres away of the tower. “What am I stupid. But atleast I have some food.”, He said to himself. Before he ducked the stick into the water. “Waiting for the fish to bite. It toke a long time before he started to get the hang in it. At the first hour he just got one fish. But at the next atleast five. Happily he walked back to his camp fire. Which fire already burned of the branches. So he collected new branches and made a fire again. And fall asleep on the ground. At the next day he woke up, he found himself full with energy. Ready to train and climb the tower. First he touched the tower with his right hand. And his left foot. After he pulled himself higher. He started with the left hand. And his right foot. He did that until he got on the big tower. That toke for him five hours. “Why the hell did it take so long. Many reasons you need to train more!”, Korin screamed into his ear. “Yeah whatever, just do the training.”, Trunks said while sighing. “You have a date? You try and fail to look good today. And you have haste.”, he said. “No, its just that. You wouldn’t understand. That I am trying to impress you. So you wont tell me how weak I am. Despite of how many I have people I have beaten this week.”, Future Trunks said. “ Muwahahaha, typical human’s way. If you just wouldn’t be such a big lazy ass. Became stronger and faster. MAYBE then,”, Korin answered. “But there is no time, after you learn ki explosion. I will send you to the turtle. To learn ki blast. So I can learn you splitter ball. So you will go train with him at Tuesday. And come back at Thursday or Friday. Got it?”, “Yeah, I got it, whatever. I hope he is nicer then you,”, Mumbled trunks. “Yeah, he will be mentally weak. It’s a turtle, what do you expect. That it’s a genius?”, Korin said. “ I pretty much do expect that.”, Trunks said in his head. After the training he was tired. And in a deep pain. Since Korin throwed him of the tower again. Was this to train his resistance? If so, it was a dumb way. Atleast that is what trunks thought. He closed his eyes. And called it a day. Cause he was in no condition to walk. Maybe not even in a condition to move. Even tough he secretly was excited about this new turtle master. Would he be nice, and a fast swift teacher. Or would he be a jerk, bad at teaching anything. He thinks how he would be. While the time fly’s by. He falls asleep. When he woke up he saw that he was in a ship. And saw ki stealers everywhere. “No, team random! Don’t steal my ki!”, Trunks screamed. But they started to put ki eaters. Trunks screamed as hard as he could. A man got in Trunks fighting scene. Trunks felt the flowing of battle sensation. And he liked it to. Slowly his eyes started to change into red. A deep source energy going trough him. He slowly stand up, he had no hesitate to kill his opponent. He slowly started to take his sword of Ki when he… Trunks finally woke up. Again he had this strange dream about team random. He stands up and see he is still wounded when he fall of the tower. But could walk this time. It would be a good time to train his stamina. So he walked of to his home. |
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| Veritas | Feb 25 2011, 02:36 PM Post #2 |
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Fiery Smexyness
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A couple things wrong with the form. Firstly on that rp sample you switch from third person to first person in some places. This rpg is strictly third person, so you might have to try with another rp and put it in third person, or fix the situations in which you rped in first person. Second off, you need to specify if your character is custom and what race it is, which I suppose is a custom saiyan, so fix that up. You also need a biography of that character(300 words minimum as well) and a picture of him. I also would suggest you make an AIM screen name since that is how we all communicate. Thats all I can see wrong at first glance, fix these things up and I will stop by once more and see what else I can see. |
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| Kaiya Nakano | Feb 25 2011, 06:11 PM Post #3 |
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Daji based GOD
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Doesnt look bad. I think Janix covered all of his bases. But you used present tense, not first person. Make all your verbs end in -ed, unless its an action in progress, then it's -ing. Ummm... Custom characters need a pic... and... thats all I think. Uhhh, welcome, and all that good stuff. -.- |
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| Veritas | Feb 25 2011, 06:34 PM Post #4 |
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Fiery Smexyness
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Doh, yeah present tense got shit confused lol. |
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| Alex | Feb 26 2011, 06:10 PM Post #5 |
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Officer of the Damaskian Army
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Seems okay. You could work on your dialogue spacing and I don't get the whole "yesterday" and "today" thing, almost like it's a script. Perhaps you could get help in the roleplay school? Nevertheless, register on the wiki and PM me the URL your account and I'll get you added. |
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All-time ADBZRPG battle record: 86 - 4 Winner of Best Saga Thread of 2011 (Shard of Lujati) Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley) | |
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