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| Future Trunks; Joining application | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 1 2011, 01:43 PM (315 Views) | |
| Daizu | Mar 1 2011, 01:43 PM Post #1 |
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Member
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(This is not an application for future Trunks but for Toma. i wanted to be Future Trunks at first but midway through the post i realized that he was taken even though the list says he is not so i started all over for Toma but forgot to change the topic.) Character you wish to be: Toma Planet you want to start on: Vegeta Vitality: 30 Speed: 25 Toughness: 15 Stamina: 10 Strength: 20 Intelligence: 1 Charisma: 0 Determination: 2 Starting fundamental: Beam Ball Fighting Style you wish to have: Tactical How did you find this site: Google magic What makes you want to join and how long do you plan on staying: The biggest reason i want to join is that i love Dbz and i love role-playing and your site seems to be a good place to fuse the two. Dbz has been a huge part of my youth, something that could be said to be my greatest point of interest in many parts of it. As for the role-playing part, i have been doing it for a couple of years now, with a few intermissions, on various sites (never more then one site at a time, as past experience taught me). On some i have been for a mere few weeks and on some i have been for long periods of time. The length of my stay will depend solely on the basic fact of how much fun i am having. AIM Screen Name: Will get one soon Email Address: Shacharashkenazi@gmail.com "I don't know where he is.. I promise, i don't... I.. I... Please let me go. I'm not lying i swear, please... I have a wife and family, i'll do anything please just....." The fist moved faster then the man's eyes could follow, slamming into his mid-sections with a crushing impact that sent the wind hurling from his lungs. The poor man let out a scream of agony as pain erupted from his guts, making his entire body go limp and his vision blurry. One second he was being held up by the collar of his puffy turquoise over cloak and the next he was on his hands and knees, gasping for air and coughing up blood. "I won't ask you again you pitiful creature. I am starting to lose my patience with you, and your damn rumbling isn't making it any better. You have three seconds to tell me where he went or i'll send you to the next dimension so massed up they won't be able to recognize you up there." Panboukin, the owner of the threat, smiled as he extended his left hand out to stop several inches from his victim's face in a closed fist. "One." Said the fat Saiyan as he uncoiled his index finger singling the count, the smirk not leaving his face for moment while his fierce eyes gazed down at the defeated man. The turquoise over cloak man reeled to his left and fall from his knees to lay on his back, looking at his attacker through pain filled eyes. "Two." came the big Sayian's booming voice as his middle finger came out, now showing two fingers. The man on the ground tried to stand up but he couldn't find the strength to move even a muscle, he tried to speak, to beg for mercy, but when he opened his mouth no words came out. Seeing the fear in his pry's eyes grow more intense only made Panboukin's grin widen, and for a second he Contemplated telling him he was going to let him live, just to see the look on his face when the poor guy figures out Panboukin lied. He didn't though, they still had someone they need to find and time was already against them. "Thr..." "West....He wen... He went west.." Panboukin lifted his hand to brush aside the left part of his hair away from his eyes and looked down at the frightened man at his feet, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. It was impossible to tell, he decided after a few moments of silence, this guy just seemed scared thats all. "Bardock or Toma would probably know if he was lying or not, they are good at that people reading stuff." Though the big man to himself. "I should probably bring him back to camp so they can see if he wan't lying to me...And he better not have been lying to me, because if he did..." "You better not be lying to me." "Im not, i swe..." "Cause if you lied to me and i find out you did...Lets just say that the punch you just received would seem like a gentle rub compared to what i'll do to you. You understand?" "Yes" A flash of movement and the beaten man was on the Sayian's massive shoulder. The small man let out a surprised gasp as it looked to him like he was teleported to his new station. The man was about to start complaining but before he could say anything, the huge Saiyan lifted of the ground and was flying through the air at the speed of a bullet. The captive held on tight and closed his eyes as he saw the ground getting smaller and smaller beneath him, trying the best he could not to scream. |
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| Diive | Mar 1 2011, 02:26 PM Post #2 |
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Legendary Mullet
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One of the best join forms I've seen in recent times. When writing dialogue, I notice you separate the spoken words from the identifier (such as "he said", etc). This isn't necessary. Here's an example of what I mean-
Also note that the spoken words and the identifier are separated by a comma, not a period, and the first word after the dialogue isn't capitalized (unless it's a proper noun). That said, there are others on the site that use the same dialogue setup that you use... so it's not that big of a deal. Wait for Razak, and see what he has to say. |
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| OldOldToma | Mar 1 2011, 02:35 PM Post #3 |
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Experienced Member
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Just an FYI, I've posted a request to change from an existing character TO Toma, so, depending on when Razak gets around to this, there's already an outstanding request for Toma to be taken - you my not be able to get him after all. If you do, congrats, but don't feel discouraged, the site moves at the speed of "eventually." Nitpick bus incoming. You don't capitalize a lot of your "I" usages in the middle of sentences, such as when referring to yourself in the first person. This is basic grammar. "I" is always capitalized when referring to "me, myself, and I," no matter where it comes in the sentence. Other than that and what Diive pointed out, a good post. Far and away better than the recent attempts we've had... |
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| Diive | Mar 1 2011, 02:53 PM Post #4 |
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Legendary Mullet
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Oop... as Frieza put in his request for Toma well before your join form, you will have to choose another character. |
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| jacksned | Mar 1 2011, 06:30 PM Post #5 |
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Experienced Member
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Not sure if I'm actually ALLOWED to post here, but I said a long time ago I thought it would be convenient if you kept your "untaken" list up to date. This is the second ft application I've seen, and I don't even watch this thread... |
![]() They thought the Titanic wouldn't sink. For that fact, they thought that Trunks wasn't coming back from the future. Sadly for you, the pink hair and the whiny voice are BACK! (image by Tarble. The man, the myth, the legend.) http://www.alexsdbzrpg.info/page/Future+Trunks | |
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| Alex | Mar 2 2011, 12:25 AM Post #6 |
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Officer of the Damaskian Army
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Register on the wiki and PM me the URL to your account. |
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All-time ADBZRPG battle record: 86 - 4 Winner of Best Saga Thread of 2011 (Shard of Lujati) Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley) | |
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| Daizu | Mar 2 2011, 03:48 AM Post #7 |
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Member
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Thank you for your replies, i will work on the things you pointed out in future role-plays. Though the "I" thing has been a known problem of mine, along with a small punctuation miss place once a while. Anyways, thank you for the advice. |
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