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| Videl's Joining Application; Hey Everyone :P | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 4 2011, 08:15 PM (797 Views) | |
| Watari | Mar 4 2011, 08:15 PM Post #1 |
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Huzzah!
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Character you wish to be: Minosha Planet you want to start on: Earth Distribute 100 points between Vitality, Speed, Toughness, Stamina, and Strength: Vitality: 20 Speed :20 Toughness: 20 Stamina: 20 Strength: 20 Distribute 3 points between Intelligence, Charisma, and Determination: Intelligence: 1 Charisma: 1 Determination: 1 Pick one green fundamental to start with (list here): Mesoposo (Saiyans Only) Fighting Style you wish to have: (Aliens Only) Stat you wish increased by +25: Strength (Changelings Only) Name and Picture of your underling: How did you find this site: Google Search Engine. What makes you want to join and how long do you plan on staying: I want to join because If always been a fan of DBZ, and i think this is the site for it :P. I want to stay as long as i can. (Recommended) AIM Screen Name: Videlness (Required) Email Address: dbzganster@hotmail.com (Required) "Awe, come on I've got to get stronger and better at this," said Videl. "Don't worry," her father said,"I will train you to help you get stronger." "Okay, but how am I going to get stronger?," she asked. "You must fight me," her father said. "Really?," she said "this will be a piece of cake, let's go." Videl ran in for the swift attack, but then her father disappeared. "Whoa, where'd he go? I can't find him at all," she said. Her father came and kicked her right onto the ground. "Ow, that really hurt," said Videl. "If you want to learn," the father said."You must think before you attack." "I can't let him hit me like that so hard," she thought." But he's right let's think before I actually attack." "Now I'm going to try my move," Videl said. She ran up after her father, with her jumping right over him and with the kick to straight to the head. With her father laying on the ground, "How do you like that," she said to her father. "Pretty good, but your going to have to hit harder than that to take me down," her father said. They both flew up in the air and starting fighting, one punch in the stomach, and one punch in the face. Videl couldn't do anything, she had to think of something. "Maybe I should do the Mesposo blast," she thought."All i know is i have to try." Her father ran up, attempts to blast a Ki ball at her, and disappears. "Where did he go this time," she said to herself. Her father comes right behind her, and prepares the Kamehameha, using his hands slowly, as a ball of Ki forms in between his hands, and shouts, Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Ha!. Videl turned around, and noticed the Kamehameha coming at her."What am I going to do," she said,"I have no chance of blocking this attack." As the attack comes right at her, she dodges it, and disappearing somehow. "Whoa how did I do all that," she said. Her father thinking she won, and maybe killed her. Videl comes right up behind her father, taking her time to form a Mesposo, she slowly and gently takes both of her arms and forms a huge ball of Ki, "Mesposo," Videl shouted with all her might. With her father turning around, and he dodged it, making it look like it was so easy. "Haha, Videl my dear, is that all you got," he said. "Very funny Dad, but you have some news headed your way." Her Mesposo move could never be evaded, that's why she loved to learn that move, and now it helped beat her father. Her father got hit by the Mesposo, he was on the ground looking like he had been finished, possibly dead. "Well done my dear," he said, "You will be an amazing fighter in the future." |
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| Veritas | Mar 4 2011, 08:38 PM Post #2 |
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Fiery Smexyness
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Your rp could use some spacing, divide more the paragraphs and don't use lots of exclamation marks, one is sufficient. Do that and I will check it more thoroughly, the rp I mean. Everything else is alright. Hope this helps! |
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| Watari | Mar 4 2011, 09:04 PM Post #3 |
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Huzzah!
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Thanks for the Heads Up
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| Seta | Mar 4 2011, 10:30 PM Post #4 |
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The Right Turn in History
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You switch from past to present tense a lot. Try to fix that. |
[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Fonos | Mar 4 2011, 10:38 PM Post #5 |
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ADBZRPG Guru
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25 * 5 = 125. 20 * 5 = 100. So you want 20 to all stats... not 25 to them. It's okay, though. For some reason, a lot of people make that mistake. |
[align=center]![]() <SELECT style="background-color: #FF8C00; color: #2F4F4F; font-family: Kristen ITC"> <OPTION>Fonos</OPTION>< <option>Demon/Alien</option> <option>On Namek</option> <option>PL: 28,774</option> <option>Ban Count: 16</option></select> Tarble 6:51 pm: That's the only thing I want to do now. I'll please you in ANY WAY Frieza: You're the worst damn pitcher I've ever had the displeasure of sharing a cramped white-van with New Account - Tyrome[/align] | |
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| Watari | Mar 5 2011, 01:03 PM Post #6 |
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Huzzah!
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Thanks Pan and Fonos I'll try to fix that right now. |
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| Alex | Mar 6 2011, 01:32 AM Post #7 |
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Officer of the Damaskian Army
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So did you sort out the not being able to access the forums thing? |
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All-time ADBZRPG battle record: 86 - 4 Winner of Best Saga Thread of 2011 (Shard of Lujati) Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley) | |
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| Watari | Mar 6 2011, 02:03 AM Post #8 |
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Huzzah!
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Yeah, I managed too. |
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| Watari | Mar 6 2011, 02:28 AM Post #9 |
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Huzzah!
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So am i Accepted? |
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| Gohan | Mar 6 2011, 03:02 PM Post #10 |
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The True Gohan
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Not yet. Razak will post it here, once you are |
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"Death is only the beginning." Charachter Sheet || Wiki || Theme | |
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| Seta | Mar 7 2011, 01:48 AM Post #11 |
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The Right Turn in History
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You're missing quotation marks for dialogue and there are still parts where you have present instead of past tense. |
[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Watari | Mar 7 2011, 12:19 PM Post #12 |
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Huzzah!
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But this isn't past tense. |
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| Seta | Mar 7 2011, 05:23 PM Post #13 |
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The Right Turn in History
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We use past tense, third person here. Like in a book. |
[align=center]![]() Seta's Wiki | Character Vault | Seta's Theme Song Aut vincere aut mori.[/align] | |
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| Watari | Mar 7 2011, 11:00 PM Post #14 |
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Huzzah!
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Lol, Mb Thanks Pan
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| Watari | Mar 8 2011, 08:35 PM Post #15 |
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Huzzah!
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There it should be better now. EDIT: 1 week..... |
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| Alex | Mar 12 2011, 12:11 AM Post #16 |
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Officer of the Damaskian Army
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Register on the wiki and PM me the URL to your account. |
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All-time ADBZRPG battle record: 86 - 4 Winner of Best Saga Thread of 2011 (Shard of Lujati) Winner of RP of the Season Summer 2017 (The Village of Kulley) | |
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