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Roshi's Trial; Medium Quest
Topic Started: Sep 27 2017, 12:25 PM (74 Views)
Cell Jr
Member
Roshi's Trial

Difficulty: Medium

Description:

Master Roshi has taken you under his wing. After training with him for awhile he gives you his trial. It will be an intense mental and physical gauntlet. Only his best students have survived!

Reward: +500 zeni, +5 DP, +40 all stats, +5 Rp Credits

Bonus: +55 all stats, +8sp, +1 free Roshi taught technique

Requirement: Must have trained with Master Roshi for 2 weeks and must be under 35,000 PL.
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Cell Jr
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Roshi's Island was a small, geographically insignificant spec of land in the middle of a vast ocean. Were it not for the fact that one of the greatest martial artists ever to walk the Earth lived in a house here, nobody would pay it a first glance, let alone a second. Yet Martial and Ki Arts Master Roshi did live here and people came from across the galaxy to train with him. Many came, yet few stayed. Master Roshi, for all his skill in the martial arts, was a perverted old man who sought sexual congress with the girls he trained, and the girls he met, and the girls he dreamed about, and the girls he didn't know about but assumed existed based on extrapolation of the heads or tails nature of gender. Junior was supremely unconcerned with the conduct of the master, because as far as he was concerned people who were all about being good and wholesome were either hiding their pent-up tendencies and were therefore untrustworthy or unreliable, or they really were that good and they were planning on locking him up for his chaos-related proclivities.

"Cell!" called the master in his creaky old-man voice.

Junior was instantly annoyed. He had made the mistake of correcting the old man the first time Roshi called him by his father's name. The grizzled master had then re-corrected Junior to point out that his name was Cell and Junior was a suffix appended to that name. At that point Junior had attacked the old coot and been swiftly and soundly beaten. It was at that moment that he learned a lesson. It wasn't humility. It was that old people are stronger than they look. He also discovered that he wasn't altogether interested in fair fights.

"Cell!"

The voice still sounded like it belonged to a decrepit old man but it had taken on the much harder edge of someone who didn't like to be kept waiting. Junior didn't think he'd last much longer under the veteran's tutelage. Just recently a planet had appeared in orbit and rumour had it that there was another master there who would teach all comers. All he needed was a puddle jumper to make the short hop through the atmospheres of both planets; hell if he picked his timing right he might only need to pass through once. Junior had seen a battered old pile of crap Saiyan thing on the black market that would serve the purpose if it managed to life off the ground. He had resolved previously to do a spot of honest robbing but would have to wait until after whatever the latest inane task was that Roshi wanted him to do.

"Yes?"

The response was given as Junior crossed the threshold into the tiny cottage called Kame House. He didn't know where Kame came from but had to assume that Roshi had either stolen it or changed his name without bothering to change the writing on the front of the house. The response was also given with as much false sweetness as he could manage, which was about enough to give diabetes to an elephant.

"Don't try and be nice, its creepy," responded Master Roshi, his whiskers twitching as though they hid a smile, "the reason I called you is that you have learned enough to attempt my test. It will be a test of mind as well as body and though I would expect someone who carries the name Cell to best these challenges easily, I am yet to be suitably impressed by your intellect. You will answer a series of riddles. Are you ready?"
"What's a riddle?"
"Oh dear. Perhaps I was too hasty. Nevertheless, I have already selected the riddles so let's get this over with. A riddle is a problem that you must solve using your brain."
"That sounds like a made up word."
"Fine, I will get a dictionary."

Master Roshi took several minutes thumbing through a dictionary until he found what he was looking for.

"Here it is: a riddle is a question or statement intentionally phrased so as to require ingenuity in ascertaining its answer or meaning, typically presented as a game."
"Why didn't you just say we're playing a game. I like games."
"This is serious."
"I like serious games too."
"FINE! We're playing a game."
"Oh good. I like games. Is it a serious one?"
"ENOUGH. Your first riddle is as follows. A woman is sitting in her hotel room when there is a knock at the door. She opened the door to see a man whom she had never seen before. He said "oh I'm sorry, I have made a mistake, I thought this was my room." He then went down the corridor and in the elevator. The woman went back into her room and phoned security. What made the woman so suspicious of the man?"
"That's a stupid riddle. This is a stupid game. Why would he knock on his own door? And if it was his door why did he walk away? He should have kicked the dumb broad out of his damn apartment."
"I'm not interested in your opinion of the riddle, Cell. You need to tell me why she was so suspicious of the men."
"Was he wearing a trench coat or a mask?"
"That information isn't relevant. You already have all of the information you need to solve the riddle."
"Fine. She was suspicious of him because she was breaking into his apartment and didn't want him to realise."
"Wrong."
"I told you it was a stupid question."
"You got the right answer…"
"You just told me I was wrong."
"You were wrong with what you said was your answer, but your first thought was correct. You dismissed the correct answer almost immediately."
"That's because it’s a stupid game!"
"Nevertheless because you got the answer right, I will let you progress."
"I don't want to progress, this is a stupid game."

Junior stalked outside, slamming the door behind him. Roshi was stupid and his games were stupid. You got the right answer so I'll let you progress, he though scathingly. After several moments, the diminutive android had calmed down enough to want to continue playing the game. He wandered back in to find Roshi still sitting at the table, calmly waiting for him to return.

"Finished with your temper tantrum?"
"I don't have temper tantrums. I had a strategic withdrawal to reassess my options because you were cheating."
"Are you ready to continue?"
"Only if you promise not to cheat anymore?"

Roshi simply raised one of the furry caterpillars that he called eyebrows but said nothing. Junior glared at him for several long moments before huffing and nodding his assent to continue.

"Good. This next riddle will be very similar to the first."
"So stupid?"
"It will require you to think laterally."
"You can't think laterally, thinking is intangible. I could be thinking laterally right now and you wouldn't be able to tell."
"It’s a figure of speech."
"What's a figure of speech."
"A metaphor."
"You're making words up again, aren't you?"
"I'm not getting the dictionary out again."
"Its right there on the table," responded Junior, pointing at the discarded tome.
"Do you want to hear the riddle or not?"
"Fine. You better not put any made up words in it though."

Roshi just ignored him.
"A man murders his wife with a knife in their car. Nobody is around to see this. He throws her out of the car being careful not to leave any fingerprints on her body. Next he throws the knife off of a cliff into a gorge where it will never be found and he goes home. An hour later the police call him and tell him that his wife has been murdered and he needs to come to the scene of the crime immediately. As soon as he arrives, he is arrested. How did they know he did it?"
"This is a much better riddle?"
"Why is that?"
"Somebody dies."
"You're a bit of a sociopath, aren't you?" "I told you not to make up any more words!"
"How did the police know he did it?"
"Well firstly the guy is an idiot for going back to the scene of the crime. Why not just pretend cry and run off while claiming trauma? What about forensic evidence? Or was one of the police officers a mind reader?"
"I will repeat the riddle. Once again, everything you need to no to solve it is contained in the riddle. A man murders his wife with a knife in their car. Nobody is around to see this. He throws her out of the car being careful not to leave any fingerprints on her body. Next he throws the knife off of a cliff into a gorge where it will never be found and he goes home. An hour later the police call him and tell him that his wife has been murdered and he needs to come to the scene of the crime immediately. As soon as he arrives, he is arrested. How did they know he did it?"
"OHHHHHH. He didn't ask them for the address and still managed to get there. He really is an idiot for going back to the scene of the crime."
"Correct. Congratulations, Cell. Turns out you are thinking laterally and I really didn't know it."

Junior was so pleased with himself that he let the crack about his name slide this time around. He still didn't believe that thinking in directions nonsense though.

"Are you ready for the next riddle?"
"Only if it doesn't have any made up words or thinking in directions."
"I will choose to take that as a yes. This is a simple riddle, all it requires is attention to detail. Mr Brown was killed on Sunday afternoon. The wife said she was reading a book. The butler said He was taking a shower. The chef said he was making breakfast. The maid said she was folding clothes, and the gardener said he was planting tomatoes. Who did it?"
"The chef did it."
"Why?"
"Chefs wear though creepy white dresses and their big hats look ridiculous. Plus they're really good with knives."
"So your logic is that chefs are creepy, so the chef in this attention to detail puzzle that didn't take place in real life must have done it."
"Yes."
"Well, you have the right answer."
"Told you."
"But the wrong logic. The chef is the killer because he said he was making breakfast in the afternoon."
"So?"
"So it was a lie?"
"Why?"
"Because he wouldn't have been making a morning meal at a time other than morning."
"Yes he would. Heaps of people keep odd hours and rich people are weird as shit. They probably have breakfast for dinner and midnight snacks as well."
"My Brown wasn't someone who keeps odd hours, nor was he rich."
"How did he afford the chef then? You told me all the information I needed was in the riddle. I used the information and got the answer. Its not my fault your riddles are stupid."
"My riddles aren't stupid. Smarter people than you have tried and failed to solve them."
"If smart people can't do them but stupid people can, doesn’t that make them stupid?"
"Next riddle! And this will be the last one because I'm sick of talking to you."
"That isn't a very good teaching strategy."
"Enough!"

Junior couldn't help but giggle at Master Roshi's frustration. It was fun to push people's buttons like that.

"Your final riddle is a long one, but will require you to think laterally. Do you understand?"
"I already told you, people don't think in directions. They just think."
"Once again, I will take that as a yes. During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." Okay, here's your test: 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon." What was the director's response?"
"I would blow a hole in the bottom of the bath," responded Junior, nodding as though he was imparting some words of wisdom.
"I don't care what you would do, though it astounds me how close your chaotic little mind gets to the right answer without even trying. I think I will need to discuss this with some researcher colleagues of mine from the university."
"So I'm right?"
"No, but you're very close."
"Oh, they'd remove the plug?"
"Yes."
"But that wasn't one of the options."
"I didn't tell you that this one had all the information you needed. The riddle is a 'sanity test'. No sane person would empty a bath in any way other than by removing the plug."
"Unless his rich boss told him to use a spoon. I bet the chef would have picked the spoon because he's weird and likes cutlery."
"Enough about the chef! That riddle is over."
"I thought all the riddles were over."
"They are; but there is a piece of information that I wish to give you. You demonstration thus far during the trial has shown that you have an aptitude for the chaotic. As it happens, I was just visited by a recruiter for an organisation who specialises in the chaotic. They are a special operations division of the Damaskian Armed Forces that deals in chaos in service of Emperor Pendragon, or so I'm led to believe. The captain in charge of this division, known as the Shadowguard, has sent recruiters to the four corners of the universe to find the be type of chaos to be their newest recruits."
"What about continuing to learn martial arts? Would I be able to do so there?"
"There aren't any trainers there that I know of; however the Shadowguard is part of an army. They will be able to teach you things that no martial arts master could, including how to use non-martial weapons."
"I don't like weapons. They're cheap."
"Perhaps, but unlike the enchanted blades that so many fighters cling to as focal points for their power, Damaskian weapons are tools to be shaped and used by you. They are an extension of your will, not a crutch to be depended upon in battle."
"It sounds intriguing in the least. Maybe I will use these tools and learn how to fight like a soldier. Thank you for your training."
"Wait just a moment. We aren't done yet."
"We aren't? You said that was the last riddle."
"It was the last riddle, but there are two more things left in this trial."
"What are they?"
"The first is a piece of advice, from Master to pupil. I see how you react when I call you Cell. It is a weakness that you must overcome. You are a clone of Cell, not his son, not somebody who is in his shadow. You are Cell and he is you. Neither is more superior to the other because both of you are different, but also the same."
"I will consider your words," replied Junior, privately thinking that this would be the last time they entered his mind, "what is the second thing."
"A physical test. You must fetch the ultimate prize for a man of my particular tastes. There is a rare magazine under the custodianship of the Crane School. It is atop the highest peak in the world. There is a legend that says the person who controls the magazine will have access to the best filth in the world. I don't want those Crane School prudes to have it, so I need you to retreive it for me. According to the same legend, it is guarded by either a triclops or a giant. The scroll is pretty non-specific in its wording."
"So it could be a regular sized dude with three eyes or a monstrosity that will tear me apart with a single blow."
"That's about the strength of it, yes."
"I'm not afraid of some giant. I will slay the giant and retrieve the magazine. It's been too long since I had a good fight anyway. If it is a regular old triclops, I will poke its eyes out and feed them to it for it last meal, then I'll…"
"I get the picture, Cell. You don't need to describe any further."

Predictably, the naming of his father made Junior tense and irritable. Roshi gave him a knowing look that made it worse and the diminutive android elected to fly away instead of engaging with the master further. What the hell did he know about people's minds anyway? He still thought that people could thinking in directions. Roshi was just an old fool with too much time on his hands to think up stupid riddles and other mind games to play on folks. That was it, Roshi was messing with him. The old master didn't actually care. He didn't want Junior to assume Cell's mantle because he cared, he just wanted the diminutive android to be messed up and think over it.

Junior felt much less tumultuous about what was going on as he floated up towards the highest peak, where the Master of Old Timers had said the Crane School was located. It was a terrible place for a school, really. Junior thought that there would be dozens of student deaths each year just from the trek up. Actually that made it the perfect place for a school. He wouldn't want to teach people who couldn't even wander up a goat track without dying. After more time than he would have liked to have spent floating up a mountain, Junior finally arrived at the Crane School. It was a stone dojo with a bright green roof and red accents. Out the back of the main hall was a stone tournament ring and beyond that, stairs up to some sort of shrine. Junior guessed that it was this shrine that held Roshi's precious magazine of the best filth in the world. Junior didn't actually know what that meant and he didn't much care to know. Roshi's personal life was far too weird for him to take an interest in.

The diminutive android landed lightly in the centre of the tournament ring, immediately aware that he was being watched from the shadows around the ring. There were whispers too and judging by the pitch of their voices people talking to each other were full of fear. Had the triclops emerged? A quick visual and energy scan told him that he was alone save for the voices and their owners. What was it then? What caused such fear in these people. Junior strained his ears, pushing his body in an attempt to hear what they were saying.

"I think it is him! I think it's Cell! What do we do?"
"It isn't Cell, you idiot. Cell is taller and green."
"Maybe its another Cell. A newer, more powerful one."

Now that was something completely new. Junior had always associated being called Cell with being in his father's shadow, but could it actually be a good thing? Could he strike fear into the hearts of the people of the Earth simply by introducing himself as the one and only Cell? The though merited much more consideration than Roshi's idiot sentimental babble at the very least. As Junior turned to the corner where the student were hiding, he flexed his muscles and pointed in their direction. As he flexed a second time, a beam was shot out of nowhere and severed his arm completely. It flopped around on the ground like a fish out of water and Junior was left staring at the cauterised stump and wondering what the hell was going on. It wasn't until he realised that the attacker was behind him that he sprang into action, some several seconds later. He whipped around and immediately understood why the legends were nonspecific. It wasn't a giant or a triclops, it was a giant triclops. Its third eye was still glowing, doubtlessly from the beam that had just severed his arm.

"Surprise, fuckface," said Junior as a brand new arm shot from the stump covered in regenerative slime. Junior sprang at the creature and swiped across its face with his fingernails, which had almost doubled in length in response to the danger that presented itself. The attack was successful in penetrating one of the triclops' eyes, squirting blood and eye jelly across the arena floor. Junior wasn't done, though he dropped to the ground between the giant's feet. As the lumbering brute leaned forward to get a glimpse of the diminutive android, Junior flew straight up, headbutting the one place that any humanoid creature avoids being hit at all costs. The giant fell to its knees, almost crushing Junior. As it lay in the foetal position, the android of chaos calmly approached and ripped its throat out.

Tossing the bits of oesophagus behind him nonchalantly while the giant bled out, Junior calmly ascended the stairs and retrieved the golden tome. Without bothering to acknowledge the Crane School students at all, Junior returned to Roshi's Island and the stolen house to deliver his prize. The master was overjoyed to be receiving fresh material. Junior didn't know what that meant but was also pretty sure that he didn't want to know.

"There is one other thing that I will impart on you before I discharge you from my tutelage."
"Oh? What is that?"
"A technique that I have found useful in my travels when I was younger. The Solar Flare technique. It allows you to blind your opponents with an attack that does no damage but is very difficult to deal with because it is just made from light."

Junior could definitely see the value in learning this technique. He paid close attention as the master took him through the kata required to summon the requisite energy. He mastered it surprisingly quickly for someone just starting out on his martial arts journey, but Roshi said that it was to be expected of somebody with Junior's origins.

"Best of luck with the Shadowguard, Cell," said the master by way of giving a goodbye, "stop by next time you are in the neighbourhood to show me what you have learned."

Junior didn't mind being called Cell that time. He didn't mind it at all.

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