Vibe Check

Who tf is this cuck

A mystery... we like those. To be transparent knowing who you were previously would help. But I won’t hold my breath. Normally posts such as these not much is garnered.

Alex, you once had me do some web development for you, then you denied ever even having me do it. You wanted me to basically rename every single image name and file to a new collated form. It would have normally taken someone a couple of hours to do it the way you specified, but I was able to do it before the half hour marker.

DutchTrunks also illegally intercepted Zeni in a transfer between myself and an alliance mate. Another time, a member of staff said they docked money for my ethnic character's "Unpaid Child Support", and you authorized your Updaters to leave my trainings unupdated until I removed the Zeni from my character.

When I made a remark about how unwelcome and inappropriate those racist jokes were (and you enforcing it in your utmost as Staff), I was for YEARS afterwards, accused of "playing the race card" when I referred back to occasions where this, and similar "jokes" were made about my character's ethnicity. I left, and you followed my departure by firing a BAN at my departing back.

Years later, when I discussed rejoining, you told me I would have to pay you $200 through PayPal if I wanted unbanned.

Also, Azazel is't Alex. So...

I was cyberstalked for half a decade after my departure from the RP, all kinds of macabre tales spun about me and my "shenanigans". I never even knew it was happening until some people came forward over the past 3 years or so and apologized (after they'd all eventually been treated to the same). For years, it was "Oh god, it's Max" on sites I'd never been on before, with people wearing new names and feeling no obligation to identify themselves or their role in the aforementioned events.

I confess, I lacked the presence of mind to articulate what was happening to me like I can now. Spending some time on Reddit, and seeing screenshots from 4chan - and news articles about some of the content one can find there - kind of put my experiences on ADBZRPG into clearer perspective. I also went from working fast food to working corporate settings, and my ability to self-advocate and express what I was *actually* thinking improved as I started spending less time in my head and more time out and among other functional adults.

There's no need to be jaundice about it and assign a ulterior motive, but Bebi is right about the fact you could have just made a join form and you could have joined the discord and spoke to a staff member about the state of the community instead. You were not around during my time here so I can't validate either side of the story of you or the people who have known you.

However during my time here I would say that a good deal of people here are respectable, even when there are times we may bicker and fail to handle  our disputes with tact. There may be some you'll be fond of there may be some you won't care for at all. 

I'll just have to see how you conduct yourself here if you decide to rejoin. My policy is you respect me, I respect you, and if we can't respect each other we simply won't fuck with one another, but if you honestly just want to have fun on an RP site and not be caught in a toxic community I can honestly say I welcome it and I am sure that there are some who'd be happy to have you.

I don't conceal my identity because I can't. Someone else's ability to lie about one's online identity merely means they possess mental faculties I do not. Before I learned tact and discretion, this did horrible things for my social interactions with others, as I'm sure you can imagine.

I won't accept blame for things I didn't do, but I definitely was no saint. I assumed everyone was "in on it", so I didn't bother to tell anyone what was going on, so the people harassing me 100% got to spin the narrative as much as they liked, and I made it super easy for them. Arguing with them pointlessly until they pushed me into Meltdown Mode only made their side of the story all the more believable.

In the past 7 years, I have learned how to surround myself with positive people, and ignore people who are.....let's say, *difficult*. I have become better at associating with people who want the same things I do (to write fun stories in good faith), and to decide for myself whether or not I am a good fit with the places I join *BEFORE* someone has to step in and make the judgment call FOR me.

If there are issues, I know how to speak to the staff before things escalate. If I feel they're being uncooperative, I know how to POLITELY excuse myself and take space until I can trust myself to keep my interactions with others respectful and free of toxicity. I don't feel a need to pretend that circumstances escalating is "all according to my master plan", but will instead state *outright* when I'm in over my head and am bowing out to prevent escalation.