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Post by Lilim on May 15, 2020 11:15:21 GMT -5
I exploded at people, I lost my temper, I let stress get to me, and I'm sorry about that. I don't regret what I said, per se, but I do apologize for not taking a chill pill at the time; I am a lot better now, and while this break is really short, I'll be slowly returning to proper activity. Sorry for all the drama.
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Post by Alex on May 15, 2020 13:12:08 GMT -5
I exploded at people, I lost my temper, I let stress get to me, and I'm sorry about that. I don't regret what I said, per se, but I do apologize for not taking a chill pill at the time; I am a lot better now, and while this break is really short, I'll be slowly returning to proper activity. Sorry for all the drama. Sounds good man. Glad to see you reconsidered. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2020 13:16:06 GMT -5
Like I said before it’s all good. Glad to see you back.
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Post by Toma on May 15, 2020 22:03:07 GMT -5
I'm back for more shitty updates and possibly RP.
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Post by Art3mis on May 18, 2020 13:43:54 GMT -5
A little late on this but, ya know, better late than never I guess. Anyway. On a hiatus with Kale and Towa for a bit. Life's just been draining me too much lately. Hopefully be back soon.
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Post by Toma on May 24, 2020 19:22:35 GMT -5
I'm back for more shitty updates and possibly RP. Scratch that. Gotta go again. |
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Post by Elemento on Jun 9, 2020 0:30:33 GMT -5
Less an I’ll be away and more a rant that I guess has to do with my spotty activity. The long and short of it is that my vices are many and self destruction seemingly lies around every corner. Drinking of course was/is my vice of choice, but I have something like 500 days sober now, which is nice. It’s the longest I’ve been sober. Of course, maintaining that isn’t always easy and even with that particular issue under control, there are other ways my mind tends to think of to accomplish a similar sort of self punishment. Even caffeine, which I shouldn’t have for heart-related reasons, is a danger at this point.
That’s not to say some days aren’t easy, there are easy days where everything goes exactly how you’d like it to and these problems seem distant, almost like you don’t have them at all. Those days, I look ahead and see a clear sky. Others aren’t so simple or easy. I’m not afraid to admit that I considered killing myself back in March, simply because it felt like an easier way out than simply going through what I was going through at the time. No small thing, as I’ve only truly and seriously considered it one other time, back in 2015. Alas, as you can tell, I’m still here (thankfully). Things did get better and now, I look back and I wonder what I was thinking. Yet, that’s the problem, that the mind can be very fickle when it comes to dealing with anxiety and a host of other things I’m sure I can’t quite pinpoint.
Not trying to be a downer, I promise. Things are going well, for the most part. In a sense, I’m struggling, but it’s more a struggle that I’m going to face for the rest of my life. When your inclinations are mostly toward things that are going to hurt you, life can feel like a challenge, even if you’re just shooting for normalcy. That’s what I’m after. I’m trying to not only survive but be as healthy as I can be, mentally and physically. Make good decisions. Be kind to others. Enjoy my life. All while keeping “the darkness” at bay in hopes of ridding myself of it completely, one day. Even if I don’t get there, it’s a nice dream and I’ve got to try, so I keep plodding along.
In short, I’m still here. I’m still writing. It’s slow going sometimes because time goes by fast and I’m not always able to write or even in the frame of mind for it. I love writing and as you all know, it’s all that I do on here at this point. I said back in 2017 when I returned to ADBZ (and when I was getting sober for the first time) that it was therapeutic to be writing again. That’s still true. I strongly believe it’s helped me keep my head somewhat, over the last three years. So I’m going to keep at it. I’ll be updating this weekend. Thanks.
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Post by Chaotzu on Jun 9, 2020 0:41:30 GMT -5
You got no worries here, homie. I'm glad to hear you are choosing to face your demons despite it being an everyday task. Write as much or as little as you like, and don't worry about removal or anything of the sort.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2020 0:50:15 GMT -5
Elemento, that was quite a lot to let set in. I can not say since I’ve been around I’ve had the pleasure of many conversations with you, that I have had the pleasure to write with you or had any real interaction other than reading the stories you produce. They are well written and enjoyable and I must say get better with each new iteration. Addiction and mental health issues are no joke and I applaud you for being so open and honest. We bust balls and say dumb shit as a joking community and may get on each other’s nerves... but at the end of the day I think my life is better for each interaction, each person I get to meet and whatever bonds I can forge from that. This is a game and a community where anybody can come and spend their time to escape their reality and have fun, you may not be as active now... or may have things come up, but life first, health first... family first. We’ll be around for that nice spot to land when that escape is needed. You got my word on that. Look forward to seeing what you got in the pipeline.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2020 8:14:00 GMT -5
Elemento, it's Jared.
We've known each other for a while and talked pretty deeply on and off. I remember back in 2015 when you had hit this particular low before and I remember us talking about at length how much your life meant to this world. That stands to this exact moment. I'll parrot what King Piccolo and Azazel said, yet at the same time, let me offer my own advice.
There was a moment in my life where I had thought about ending it all. It was after a very harsh change in my lifestyle when I was about 14. My siblings had been abused in an irreparable way and confided in me, and instead of internalizing it and respecting their wishes for it to be swept under the rug, I believed it honorable to tell my mother about it. We were immediately ripped away from the comfortable life we had once known and made to hop from family member to family member just to get by for a while. My siblings complained about it, and thus, I blamed myself for putting them and my mother in that situation despite the positives.
So I did try.
But what is really important is I didn't give up on myself. Sometimes I get a bit too angry for my own taste, a flaw of mine I despise to this very day. Sometimes I get too passionate. Yet as a flawed human being, I knew that living life to the fullest despite what anyone is going to tell me is the best move imaginable. I know we've fallen out of contact over the past couple years, but for what it's worth, I'd like to catch up with you. Talk about the good old days when you were Yajirobe, haha.
I'm glad the skies look clear. Keep the clouds out of the way, and let's talk sometime.
Pulse#7790
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Post by Towa on Jun 14, 2020 19:40:27 GMT -5
I've gotten bored enough with my life to consider my break from here over. Returning to activity with Kale too.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2020 13:59:49 GMT -5
AFK
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Post by Lilim on Jun 19, 2020 15:15:56 GMT -5
I'll need to take a personal hiatus. Stress and whatnot, drama and such.
Can't fix anything if I keep running away from it--gotta see things through if I want things to be better.
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Post by Quan Lei on Jun 28, 2020 5:47:09 GMT -5
I'll be away for a few months: Son Goku, Crow & Princess.
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Post by Midnight M.D. Kelly on Jun 28, 2020 13:29:45 GMT -5
I won't be on that much, i may pop in from time to time but i won't be here full time. Thank you for everything and for letting back in the door again.
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