Post by Nelgae on Oct 12, 2019 11:57:55 GMT -5
Passives
Yan: Combat Rune, Baba’s Crystal Ball [3/4]
Telepathic Link, Combat Rune, Champ II (+60%)
Yan: Combat Rune, Baba’s Crystal Ball [3/4]
Telepathic Link, Combat Rune, Champ II (+60%)
ReiLast Monday at 11:30 PM
Hayami rose an eyebrow and replied back, "Sure. An early mistake. Isn't that why you're warning me, besides the issue with Hikari? You recognized my mother's mistake?" Honestly, the former Commander hadn't been ready for a child, either. She had been ready to fight and kill, but to take care of another life had been too much. She was so young herself.
"Why are you so mad about this?" Hayami could tell there was some anger, or some other emotion hidden behind it. "You've got skills I haven't seen yet, I bet. You have enough knowledge if you had a kid. What's this really about?" Now this sounded like an interrogation. But she was genuinely curious why Yan was freaking out. In a sense, the situation almost saw Hayami as the one pushing Yan to answer.
yarruLast Monday at 11:42 PM
“No, I was...” he started, but trailed off again and let out a sigh. There was never a time for making mistakes in his life. Not on those matters. Everything was heavily engrained in him from an age much too young. She kind of got snippy with him then, pressing him for an answer and he looked back to her with sad eyes.
Yan wasn’t a secretive person. He was not afraid to appear vulnerable or weak. He was not the type to hide his flaws. He just never answered things about himself unless he was pressed as such, because otherwise he doubted a person really wanted to know.
“Can you pass it down?” he asked, quieter now, but careful to be clear. He didn’t actually know the answer, and if it was yes, than this wasn’t just a delicate matter for himself. “The monsters in you, what you are...if you have a child, are they at the same risks you are of losing yourself completely, of becoming an empty vessel that hurts everyone they love? Destroys worlds? Are they genetically made up to be monsters?”
ReiLast Monday at 11:48 PM
Hayami rose her eyebrow. Of course, that was a possibility. What had made her was experimental from the start. The vessel of Hayami could just as easily not bear children. She leaned back and let out a loud sigh, a long one. It sounded like this was held in for too long, something that she had hidden from Yan. But it wasn't.
"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't ask those questions. In a way, it's my other fear." She then leaned forward and placed her hands together and set them before them. "What do you think I choose alchemy for as my first magic study? Even if they turn out to be monsters like me, I'll contain them. I will do better than my mother on that front." She held a hand close to her chest then. "But what about it? I won't shrink away from that duty as a mother, if the time ever comes. I have enough regrets in my short life."
yarruLast Tuesday at 12:11 AM
He listened to her, and took in her words, and gave them thought before he spoke. His life was very different than hers. Even with Hikari she could see hope in her future and thus a child’s. She could see love and faith and joy and found confidence in it. Yan could not. His monster had never been successfully ‘contained’ and he did not believe it could be.
“I have skills. I have knowledge. I have understanding and theories,” he said, looking away from her again, seeming to consider these things quite trivial. “But everything that has happened, for every thing I am, what my parents were, what my grandparents were...I would do anything not to pass that burden down to someone else, let alone someone as innocent and helpless as a child.”
ReiLast Tuesday at 12:17 AM
Hayami stood at this, and walked over to Yan. He probably never thought that he'd seen weather in this bland, white room of a realm. But, today was different. Thunder crackled and rain threatened as the Celestial looked like she might smack the demon. Instead, she placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't understand the burden of your monster. But I think you understand it. And that understanding means you might be able to give hope to a child. All I ever wanted as a kid was a loving hand. All I ever wanted was to be with someone that could understand me. I didn't get that for a long time. But you, Yan? I think you can do better than my Mom." It wasn't pity- it was more akin that she could see that something was different. This subject was too sensative. Too...she didn't have another word but raw.
And then she hugged him. A true hug, filled with some affection. "Didn't you tell me, Yan? If you keep preparing for the worst, then the worst will happen. If you continue to think you can't help anyone with your genes, then you won't be able to if it happens."
yarruLast Tuesday at 12:35 AM
Yan shifted his gaze to the side as she touched his shoulder, not quite wanting the comfort, even if her words could hit so close to home. He didn’t speak when she finished though, and let her hug him. He didn’t return it, trying to find the words to explain his point better when she continued and he let out a puff of air in amusement.
“It’s not like that...” he managed, pulling away from her. “It’s not just me, or how I raise her, or what I do differently,” he explained. “I can prepare her. Teach her the warning signs. I can make sure she knows she is Ioved and accepted no matter whatever she becomes. Let her kill everyone else around me. Let her destroy the universe. I can teach her not to need me while teaching her to accept protection when it comes. I can use all my skills, and knowledge, and experience...”
He looked up to her, his fist clenching and pressing between his collar bones.
“But its in there, and I cannot protect her from herself.”
He paused there, then shrugged. “It’s not worry of my own failings, though I’m sure there are plenty. It’s the same for me as not wanting to have a child because I know it will be born with a crippling disease. It will cripple her. It will burden her. It will pain her maybe more than she’ll be able to withstand,” he said, then quietly added: “I don’t wish it on my enemies.”
ReiLast Thursday at 12:32 AM
Hayami released a low sigh, but smiled a bit. She spoke with a bit of energy as she said softly, "You know it sounds like your are talking about me?" But it was there on the Celestial's face. She could tell that Yan wasn't talking about the fox in front of him. The Celestial waved her hand and the whole room went away, but the table in the middle of a marble white expanse so wide that it was jarring.
"In this whole universe, Yan, there isn't a parent unlike you. No parent can protect their child from themselves. From what we do to others or ourselves. Do you know how wracked with guilt and pain I've been most of my life? And that doesn't begin to describe how hard it was to understand what I really am."
She waved her hand again and it all came back. Pannels of what looked like looped screens. All the times Hayami was unable to be protected from anyone: Hikari, Yan, Daji, anyone that had shown her affection. She noted a strange blonde haired man that she didn't remember, a flicker of confusion on her face before she stated, "No parent can fully prepare a child for the outside world, nor their own world within. You taught me that, Yan. I can destroy people. I can ruin lives and drive a planet mad. I can accept help and shelter when offered. I learned that from you. But you have to stick it through and teach her too, Yan. Whoever you are talking about. And I'm here to let you lean a shoulder on. Just like I leaned on your's."
yarruLast Thursday at 1:40 PM
“You’re completely missing the point,” Yan said bluntly at the end of her showing, giving her a pointed stare that was impatient and slightly annoyed. “I am not questioning my ability to parent. I am not questioning any of my actions. At the end of the day I know I did my best, and like with you, I gave what I could give so that she had someone, even if it wasn’t the best someone. Like you again, there simply isn’t a better someone to do it.”
If he could have pawned Hayami off to someone who would have actually taken care of her, he would have, but after seeing her life and so many failures by the people around her, he took on that responsibility. He decided to be her rock because no one else would. Even if he wasn't suited to taking care of people, what he could give was better than nothing at all.
“We can’t choose our parents. We can’t choose who cares about us and who doesn’t. We get what we get.”
He sighed there, shaking his head. “I don’t need to be reassured Hayami. I’m not a child,” he said simply before looking back to her.
“If I had a choice, she would never have existed. Not because I’ve parented her poorly, or I can’t take care of her, or I can’t protect her. It has nothing to do with me besides the genes I’ve cursed her with.”
Hayami WC: 782
Yan WC: 819